My Man In India

I have been having trouble with my new computer. The UAC thingy wasn't working right and that was causing me problems. Yesterday afternoon, I decided to see what I could do about it. I spent over an hour browsing through "Help" screens, "User Forums", and "Solution Centers". None of them helped and I kept spiraling back to where I started with a little more knowledge but not the fix I was looking for. I had no choice. I would have to call "Customer Support". It was 4:30 P.M. but fortunately, I got right on with a nice man in India. He spoke English clearly and precisely. My Jack Russell terrier, Tess, decided this was a good time to harass my 89 year old Mother. Lately, Tess has been fighting with Mom over who is in charge. Whenever I am not in the room, Tess barks loudly, jumps on Mom and shakes her stuffed animals by the throat until they are dead. Needless to say, all of this creates a fair amount of pandemonium which is clearly not the ideal environment for computer work. I managed to lock the dog out of the room while continuing my conversation with the clever man in India who had finally determined that the only fix was to wipe the computer clean and start over, a very time consuming process. And so it began. I gave over control of my computer to my main man in India, so the mouse pointer on the screen moved without me. Cool actually, except that then Mom let the devil dog back in and then came to me to complain about the barking, and my being on the phone/computer so long. I wanted to point to the moving cursor and say, "Look, Mom. No hands!", but I didn't think she would get it. Through it all (we have now been on the phone for over two hours) my tech man in India has remained calm, clear and precise. He says things like, "At the bottom of your screen, Sara, do you see a green box with the word 'GO' in it? Click on that please." So polite. He is my new best friend. It is now dinner time, the dog is back again, Mom is anxious about supper and is scowling at me from the doorway. The mouse is relentlessly moving forward without me. I have long since taken to drink. Finally my husband arrives to handle supper. I hear him asking Mom to make a salad while he goes to get some chicken. No sooner does he leave, then Mom appears once more with the dog barking shrilly at her heels. Mother is angry now. "What should I do about supper," she says. My Mom hasn't "done anything about supper" in years. I explain to her that she is supposed to make a salad and Steve will be back shortly with chicken. "Well, no one told me that," she says "and why are you still on the phone? What are you doing that is so important? Can't you finish it tomorrow?" My blood pressure is rising. I can feel my face flushing and my heart is pounding. Meanwhile my wonderful man in India is on the job. My husband returns with the chicken and they have supper. My Mother is furious that I am not eating with them. For the next hour, I am treated to more nasty looks and comments from the Mom in the doorway. Why is she so angry? I am the one stuck on the phone. At 8 P.M., the job is done. Everything is back on the computer and working beautifully. My darling man in India and I exchange pleasantries and compliments on problems solved and a job well done. I turn off the computer, kiss my Mom goodnight and eat my chicken. I think I am going to miss My Man in India.